Fear surrounding change has existed for a long time. For some, it’s a slight inconvenience on an otherwise simple path to creating the life you want. However, for others, it may feel like standing on a receding ledge crumbling under your weight with only a streaming river of molten lava to catch you should you fall. It’s not just scary. Your relationship to change exists in the belief that it can be fatal.
Why Do We Fear Change?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to explain why we fear change. And it rarely happens all at once. Change is a constant part of life. From the moment we’re born, our world is in motion. Mornings turn into evenings. Crying turns into talking. Crawling becomes walking. Change surrounds us as we grow and learn to relate to people, experiences, and the environments we live in.
As we learn, we form rules to help us make sense of ourselves and connect with others. When change occurs, our nervous system instinctively asks:
Am I safe? Can I trust?
When the answer is yes, change feels manageable. It might be uncomfortable, but not threatening. But when the answer is no, new questions emerge:
Can I find safety? Can I create trust?
This is where control enters the picture. We learn that control can bring safety—and safety allows us to trust. But when our nervous system can’t find safety, we stay dysregulated. We cling to control, trying to ward off the unpredictable. Change starts to feel dangerous, especially when old survival patterns resurface.
You begin to believe you’re an unwilling passenger headed straight toward pain and loss.
But here’s the thing: change isn’t just inevitable—it’s also essential to growth. So how do you stop fearing change and start changing fear?
1. Recognize How Fear Moves Through Your Body
Your relationship with fear begins in the body. Fear often triggers a flee-or-freeze response, which can mask the nuance in how we experience it. Before fear becomes a full-blown panic, it often starts as something small—tension in the shoulders, a pit in the stomach, or the quiet urge to back out of something new.
Start by noticing where fear lives in your body. Is it in your jaw? Your chest? Maybe your hands shake slightly. Building somatic awareness helps you interrupt the cycle before fear takes over. You’ll begin to recognize the patterns—how fear shows up, and what you tend to do next.
This awareness doesn’t just help with change—it builds a deeper connection to yourself and strengthens emotional regulation across the board.
2. Identify What Kind of Change Triggers You
Not all change is equally terrifying. It’s easy to lump all change into the same bucket and label it “too much.” But clarity here is power.
Ask yourself: What kind of change feels threatening?
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Is it change you initiate—or change that’s out of your control?
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Does open-ended change scare you more than planned change?
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Are you more triggered by vulnerability than by risk?
Understanding the type of change that activates your fear helps you pinpoint where trust was broken. It might even uncover an old narrative about worthiness, failure, or self-protection.
3. Stop Asking ‘What If’ and Start Answering It
When we’re afraid, our brains spiral into worst-case scenarios. “What if I fail?” “What if I lose everything?” “What if I can’t handle it?”
Instead of ruminating, answer the question. Follow the thought to the end.
When I was building my private practice, my fear wasn’t just about failure—it was about becoming financially unstable and losing my home. It sounds dramatic, but that’s where my nervous system went. When I traced it back, I realized I was carrying old beliefs around safety and career that weren’t even mine.
By answering “what if,” you can separate fact from fear. You uncover outdated scripts and reframe the story with clarity and compassion.
4. Make Fear an Invitation, Not a Threat
What if fear wasn’t the enemy, but a guide? Every emotion carries information. And fear, when explored, can lead to some of our greatest growth.
The goal isn’t to erase fear—but to listen to it without letting it lead.
Start asking: What is this fear trying to protect me from? What does it want me to notice? What story am I telling myself right now—and is it even true?
Fear doesn’t have to mean stop. Sometimes, it’s just asking you to pay closer attention.
Final Thought
Fear of change is real—but it doesn’t have to rule your life. When you understand your nervous system, recognize your patterns, and reconnect with your body, you give yourself permission to grow.
Whether you’re a high-achieving professional facing a major transition or someone navigating emotional healing, learning to work with your fear instead of against it is the key to transformation.
And remember: not every emotion is meant to feel good, but every emotion is meant to be felt.
Wanna dive deeper into how to confront change and make it stick? Check out The War of Art by Steven Pressfield and The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy
