Crushes and Relationships: What They Reveal and How to Navigate Them

Crushes don’t disappear when we grow up or commit to someone, and when handled thoughtfully, they can illuminate our needs and even deepen intimacy.

You’ve felt it before: the secret smile, the inside joke, the “just because” thought that lingers longer than you expected. Suddenly, there’s a spark, and it feels delicious.

But what happens when that spark shows up while you’re in a committed relationship? Or when a workplace crush catches you off guard? Are crushes dangerous, or can they be… revealing?

Are Crushes Healthy?

Crushes are part of the human experience. They can be harmless, exciting, even nourishing when approached thoughtfully. In fact, a crush can:

Add novelty and playfulness to your day
Reconnect you to parts of yourself you’ve neglected
Highlight desires or needs you’ve ignored

It’s not the crush that’s the problem. Trouble arises when we engage with a crush in ways that harm us or others. They become problematic when you start ignoring boundaries, chasing validation, or compromising your values.

But You’re In A Relationship

Contrary to popular belief, having a crush while you’re partnered doesn’t mean something is wrong. No one person can meet 100% of your emotional, sexual, and romantic needs. Sometimes, a crush simply shines a light on areas of your relationship that need tending:

Have you stopped flirting with each other?
Do you feel unseen or underappreciated?
Are you longing for more spontaneity or fun?

Crushes can often reveal something you are longing for but don’t feel you are receiving. It can be a gentle nudge that your relationship has gotten off course. When there’s safety and trust, talking about a crush can deepen your connection. These conversations can become an invitation to rediscover each other, reignite intimacy, and prioritize what matters most.

The Workplace Crush

Why do so many adult crushes happen at work? Simple: proximity breeds connection.

Repeated exposure, shared challenges, and mutual wins build emotional resonance. Add just a spark of attraction, and suddenly, that casual smile across the conference table feels electric.

The key here is discernment. You have to know what your crush represents versus what you truly want to act on. And why.

When Those Butterflies Make Us Act Differently

Sometimes a crush unlocks a bold, adventurous version of yourself, someone who tries new things, pushes boundaries, or embraces spontaneity. That can be expansive and exciting. It gives you the opportunity to develop a deeper level of self-awareness and tune into your needs.

Other times, insecurity takes the wheel, and you find yourself shape-shifting into who you think they want you to be. That path, though, leads away from authenticity and toward self-abandonment. In these cases, it’s likely a sign that you are running away from and avoiding hard truths you don’t want to see. And hard conversations you may not want to have.

When a Crush Feels Overwhelming

If your crush feels all-consuming, pause and reflect:

Is this about the person, or about what they represent?
Do you want to act on it, or is fantasy enough?
What risks and rewards come with pursuing this?
Are you projecting an idealized version onto them?
Are you escaping from the reality of your current relationship? If so, why?

This is your chance to see what’s really underneath. If it feels light-hearted, revel in it. Enjoy the fact that you can still catch butterflies. But if it stirs something deeper, a longing, a quiet resentment, or the urge to escape what you already have, that’s your cue to put on your adulting hat and have the conversations you deserve.

Crushes can be many things. Exciting, distracting, or illuminating. Beyond the spark, they often reveal what you’re craving: to be seen, to feel playful, to breathe again. When you pay attention, they stop being about someone else and start pointing you back to yourself.

Learn more about working with me at Ignite Anew.