Most people don’t know this about me, but I was raised in a deeply conservative family. Conversations around education, money, and career success were commonplace.
But talk of purpose, passion, or pleasure? That was largely off-limits.
Here were the unspoken rules, or rather, the “facts” that shaped how I moved through the world:
Prioritize stability in all things: your career, your relationships, your life.
Make decisions based on logic, even when your intuition is screaming “NO!”
Ignore the wisdom in your body. Disconnect from your feelings. Disregard your desires.
Those lessons didn’t teach me how to thrive.
While those lessons taught me how to succeed, they didn’t teach me how to thrive. They taught me how to shrink. I learned to second-guess myself, to distrust my instincts, to feel shame when I desired more—from life, from love, from myself. I couldn’t trust the path I wanted to walk. I couldn’t articulate the kind of relationships or connection I needed. And I certainly didn’t know how to explore and express the full, complex truth of who I am.
That disconnection led to experiences that felt deeply misaligned. Sometimes, it left me feeling numb. Sometimes, unsafe.
But the turning point came when I got curious. I realized that if I wanted to feel whole, if I wanted to stop just surviving and start thriving, I had to break up with the harmful scripts I’d inherited. I needed to:
Identify the inherited lessons that were no longer serving me.
Heal by embracing every part of myself, including the parts I was taught to ignore.
Redefine my values from a place of curiosity, not control.
That journey led me straight into the world of sexuality and intimacy, and it changed everything.
Because here’s the truth: when I started learning about sex and intimacy, I realized…it’s not just about sex. In fact, it’s rarely just about sex.
Pleasure is about feeling empowered.
It’s about having a voice. It’s about reconnecting with your body, tuning into your desires, and building the courage to listen even when what you hear is unexpected. It’s about shedding shame, reclaiming agency, and rewriting the story you’ve been told about what makes you desirable, experience pleasure, and feel powerful.
For me, studying sexuality meant unraveling toxic messages that silenced my voice, not just in the bedroom, but in the boardroom, at the dinner table, and in the mirror. It meant learning how to communicate honestly with a lover and with myself, while honoring the uniqueness of each experience.
There is an undeniable connection between permission, pleasure, and power.
When I gave myself permission to want, without guilt, I unlocked something far richer than I ever expected. I opened the door to a new, more honest, and deeply fulfilling kind of pleasure. And not just the erotic kind (though, yes, that too). I found pleasure in friendships where I could finally let my hair down, where I could expose my vulnerabilities and insecurities, make mistakes, and still be met with love and truth. These are the kinds of connections that challenge me to grow, not shrink.
I began to assess my career not through the lens of what looked good on paper or earned nods of approval, but through honest reflection on what I was great at, what energized me, and what actually brought me joy. I trust that my value doesn’t need to be proven. It just needs to be honored.
I started building a life that wasn’t a pristine, cookie-cutter model home for others to admire, but a living, breathing space designed for me. A life that reflects who I am and makes room for who I’m becoming. One I take full ownership of, failures, pivots, and all. And that kind of life? That’s where real power lives.
Pleasure is not a luxury. It’s not indulgent. It’s not selfish. Pleasure is information. It’s feedback. It’s a roadmap to aliveness.
And with pleasure comes power. Real, grounded, embodied power.
The kind that’s rooted in self-trust.
The kind that’s unapologetic.
The kind that feels sexy as hell.
So let me ask you:
Have you found your power yet?
Interested in working with me? Learn how at Ignite Anew.
Wanna dive deeper on your own? Check out Why Good Sex Matters by Nan Wise, PhD.
