Remember those Cosmo articles that promised “10 Things That Will Drive Him Wild”? I used to devour those like they held the sacred blueprint to seduction—only to finish them feeling mildly entertained, completely confused, and no closer to understanding real intimacy, desire, or pleasure.
As someone who is obsessed with creating healthy relationships, I quickly realized they were more about performance than connection or desire. More “how to arch your back” than “how to feel safe in your body.” The truth is, what drives someone wild isn’t universal. What works with one partner might leave another cold—or worse, cringing.
So if you’re craving intimacy that’s real, rich, and oh-so-electric (regardless of gender or orientation), these five essentials will get you there:
1. Establish Safety and Trust
Let’s get something straight: no one feels sexy in survival mode. If your nervous system is stuck in fight, flight, or freeze, pleasure isn’t just elusive—it’s damn near impossible. Real intimacy begins with feeling safe. That’s not just bedroom safety, but emotional safety.
Have you ever flinched at a partner’s touch? Zoned out mid-makeout? Snapped when things got a little too vulnerable? That’s your body calling for safety and trust. When you create a foundation of emotional security, your body can soften. You can stay. And staying is where the magic happens.
2. Reimagine Consent
Consent isn’t a one-time checkbox. It’s a living, breathing, ongoing conversation. It changes moment to moment—and that’s a good thing. Consent should feel collaborative, not obligatory. Enthusiastic, not assumed.
When you treat consent as co-creation, you unlock a deeper level of intimacy. You make space for your partner’s full humanity and for your own evolving desires. And let’s be honest—what’s sexier than two people mutually turning each other on in real time?
3. Desire Starts Outside the Bedroom
Let the bedroom rest. True intimacy starts in the ordinary. That soft morning glance. The way you remember their favorite snack. The way you listen—really listen—when they speak.
Pleasure doesn’t begin with undressing; it begins with presence. When your partner feels seen in the chaos of daily life, their guard drops. That’s where desire lives: in the spaces where attention becomes affection.
4. Get Creative with Pleasure
Sex isn’t just a destination—it’s a playground. So stop limiting yourself to “the act” and start exploring sensation. Sight. Sound. Smell. Taste. Touch. The body is full of nerve endings and possibilities.
Take “sex” off the table and replace it with “pleasure.” Suddenly, a whole world opens up. Maybe it’s a massage. A steamy bath. A whispered fantasy. Ecstasy isn’t about the position—it’s about the experience.
5. Stay Curious
Curiosity is the secret sauce. It keeps intimacy alive when life gets messy—when you’re married, parenting, aging, evolving. It invites you to ask questions instead of making assumptions. To adapt instead of resist.
Your body, your relationship, your needs—they will all change. That doesn’t mean pleasure ends. It means the adventure continues. Let curiosity guide you back to yourself, and you’ll find new ways to be turned on by the life—and the love—you’re creating.
Final Thoughts
Driving your partner wild isn’t about tricks or techniques. It’s about presence, safety, creativity, and connection. That’s the stuff of real desire. The kind that doesn’t just spark… it sustains.
Ready to explore what turns you on?
Learn more about the upcoming couples retreat.
Wanna dive deeper on your own? Check out Magnificent Sex by Peggy Kleinplatz
