Somewhere between "Let’s get drinks soon!" and "Sorry for not replying, it’s been a wild month," your friendships can start to feel... off. Maybe you’re not sure why that friend you used to talk to every day now makes you feel drained after five minutes. Or why certain connections feel stuck on repeat, while others faded without warning.
Before you spiral or send that awkward “We good?” text, let me offer you something better: a friendship audit.
This isn’t about burning bridges or writing people off. A friendship audit is about looking inward and getting clear on what friendships are actually working for you today—not just what worked in college or your last city or pre-baby life.
What Is a Friendship Audit?
Think of it like a closet clean-out, but for your social life. It’s not about judgment, it’s about alignment. The goal isn’t to Marie Kondo every relationship you’ve ever had. It’s to ask: what fits? What’s been hanging in the back collecting dust? What no longer serves me?
We outgrow friendships just like we outgrow jobs, cities, or skinny jeans from 2007. But if we never stop to examine what we’re holding onto, we can end up wearing things that don’t fit and wondering why we feel so uncomfortable.
An audit isn’t just about identifying what’s not working. It’s about understanding how and why it’s not working. It gives you a clear, compassionate picture of how you’ve changed, and lets that insight inform what you actually need today.
That friend who used to be your weekend wingwoman might not align with your new rhythm of school pickups and 9:00 p.m. bedtimes. And that’s okay. The friendship, or parts of it, might have worked beautifully before. But if it doesn’t fit now, you don’t have to force it.
In fact, that’s the best part of an audit: it arms you with clarity and tools for the next shift. Because life will change again. You will change again. And instead of feeling stuck, resentful, or guilty, you can simply recognize that it’s time for another check-in. No shame. Just growth.
Signs You’re Due for a Friendship Audit
You dread making plans but feel guilty canceling
You feel lonely even with a full social calendar
You can’t remember the last time you felt energized by a hangout
You’re always the one reaching out, checking in, or initiating
Sound familiar? Time to audit.
How to Begin Your Audit
Start simple: write down everyone you consider a friend. Not coworkers or acquaintances—just the people you genuinely consider part of your circle.
Then ask yourself:
How do I feel before and after spending time with them?
Is this friendship reciprocal, or one-sided?
Am I excited to connect or just obligated?
Do I feel seen and understood?
The goal isn’t to label people good or bad. It’s to get honest about how the friendship actually functions today.
Because here’s the truth: most of us have friendships we’ve outgrown, but keep because we don’t know how to let go. Or we assume something’s wrong with us for not feeling satisfied. Neither is true. You’re just evolving.
Audits also help you sidestep the dreaded emotional word salad. You don’t have to fumble through a tough conversation with vague vibes and hurt feelings. You can say, “Here’s what I’ve noticed. Here’s what I need now.” That’s mature. That’s powerful. That’s way more effective than ghosting or stewing in silence.
And when it comes down to it? A friendship audit isn’t about the other person. It’s about you.
Too often, we get stuck in a victim mindset, hyper-focused on what we’re not getting. But have we stopped to ask: What do I actually need? And have I said it out loud?
When you can name your needs clearly, you can ask for them clearly. And if that need still can’t be met? You get to seek it elsewhere. There is no victim in that. That’s just agency. That’s self-respect.
Interested in working with me? Learn how at Ignite Anew.
Wanna dive deeper on your own? Check out Big Friendship by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman.
